Waiting On the World to Change (sort of)

            Have you ever had that feeling where you know you have to do something, but you really, really, really don’t want to?  I get that a lot.  The thing is, I’m a pre-worrier (or would it be ante-worrier?).  Anyway, the point is I worry about things before they happen, and then when they actually do come into fruition, I realize it’s not a big deal.  I guess I would rather have it this way than the other way around.

            But, it really sucks sometimes.  If something big is gonna happen—the kind of thing that has tons of planning going into it—then I have all sorts of time to figure out every single little thing that could possibly go wrong, or every reason I really shouldn’t do whatever it is, or whatever.

            Sometimes, I even talk myself out of (fill in the blank), and I miss out on a lot because of it.  Anyway, it’s really stupid, and I hate doing it, but I can’t really seem to stop.  On the upside, when something does go wrong, it doesn’t throw me.  Plus, since I’ve done all my worrying beforehand I can (usually, sometimes, -ish) relax once things are actually set in motion, so I guess it isn’t all bad.

            Anyway, my mum’s getting married.  Yeah, weird.  It’s cool though, the guy’s pretty dang awesome, and he makes her really happy.  I like him loads, so it’s all good.  I really am happy for them, not just saying it ‘cause I’m s’posed to or whatever, I honestly think it’s great.  Only, now I’m starting to get that nervous feeling that I always do, that sort of manic tension.  It’s a little different; I’m not playing out scenarios in my head.  But still, it’s annoying.

            I just wanna be happy for them, and help out with the wedding type stuff.  I know it’s gonna be awesome once it actually happens, but now I’ve got that weird pit-of-my-stomach feeling.  The one that happens right before something changes, even when the change is good, because you don’t what you’re changing from, but not so much what you’re changing to.

            I’ve got that feeling for a lot of things though, the school year’s almost over and next year I’ll be going to a different school, and all sorts of stuff.  So I’ve got that feeling sort of amassed from all the different changes, and it’s become pretty much a constant.  It’s pretty weird.  Anyway, I’m looking forward to all this stuff finally happening so I can stop stressing.  But, I’ll also miss the way things are now.

            It’s one of those things where change is good, but you still miss the way things were, even though it was good to move on.  You know?

           

            -The Shadow Knight