The Beauty of It

            Have you ever had that feeling where you want to write something: a poem, story, anything really?  Have you ever had it when you can’t think of anything whatsoever to write?

            If you have, you’ll recall how it feels to stare at a blank sheet of paper, waiting.  When you’re full of motivation, if you could only find something to write about.  How seconds turn to minutes as you sit there.  How the minutes drag by, far slower than you ever thought possible.  How frustrated you get when nothing comes to you.

            The things that usually inspire you are utterly useless.  The spark of an idea refuses to light.  Sometimes, you even wonder why you ever thought you could write to begin with.  Or worse, you wonder if you ever will again.

            The thing is—whether or not it happens that day, or even that week or month—you will write again, because that’s what you do, what you are.  You’re a writer.  Something deep inside of you yearns to put to words the thrill of adventure, the elation of love, the pain of the most profound sorrow.  Like breathing, it’s in your nature.

            And that’s the beauty of it.

            -The Shadow Knight

The Great Secret

I have to stay.

I cannot go.

My mind says yes.

My heart says no.

I’m needed here.

I need to leave.

The siren calls.

Roads sing my name.

My blood runs hot.

I scream with pain.

A single tear runs down my cheek.

A heartbeat pulse throbs its beat.

In my heart I feel a yearning.

Open roads and ever turning.

My world keeps spinning out of control.

It’s as if I’m falling a rabbit-hole.

It’s falling, and darkness, and sickness, and cold.

It’s fear, and it’s shame, and it’s ever alone.

At last, I can leave.

I’ve opened the door.

Soft rain is shining.

Light patters on floor.

That moment is perfect.

I hear the sweet song.

I have been waiting for so very long.

I’m one step away from all that I’ve dreamed of.

One breath away from heaven’s gate.

In one bright moment all is made clear.

The road’s just a road, and my home is here.

Laughing my eyes and smiling my step.

I turn my back on what I’d thought best.

There is a great secret.

I now know its answer.

Home is where the heart is.

Heart is where you put it.

      -The Shadow Knight

Shattered Patterns

What if I want to die?

What if life holds no appeal?

What if I dance to the siren song of death?

What if I hunger for the stillness?

What if I thirst for silence?

At least then I know my place.

At least then I know my end.

At least then they understand.

I’m just another nameless face.

I’m just another empty death.

I’m just another teenage tragedy.

I’m just another foolish child

With just another grieving family.

Folks will say they’re sorry.

Folks will say that it’s so sad.

Folks will try to care,

But, folks won’t.

It’s a simple pattern.

It’s a story often told.

It’s so sad.

It’s the way of the world.

But,

What if I want to live?

     -The Shadow Knight

Waiting On the World to Change (sort of)

            Have you ever had that feeling where you know you have to do something, but you really, really, really don’t want to?  I get that a lot.  The thing is, I’m a pre-worrier (or would it be ante-worrier?).  Anyway, the point is I worry about things before they happen, and then when they actually do come into fruition, I realize it’s not a big deal.  I guess I would rather have it this way than the other way around.

            But, it really sucks sometimes.  If something big is gonna happen—the kind of thing that has tons of planning going into it—then I have all sorts of time to figure out every single little thing that could possibly go wrong, or every reason I really shouldn’t do whatever it is, or whatever.

            Sometimes, I even talk myself out of (fill in the blank), and I miss out on a lot because of it.  Anyway, it’s really stupid, and I hate doing it, but I can’t really seem to stop.  On the upside, when something does go wrong, it doesn’t throw me.  Plus, since I’ve done all my worrying beforehand I can (usually, sometimes, -ish) relax once things are actually set in motion, so I guess it isn’t all bad.

            Anyway, my mum’s getting married.  Yeah, weird.  It’s cool though, the guy’s pretty dang awesome, and he makes her really happy.  I like him loads, so it’s all good.  I really am happy for them, not just saying it ‘cause I’m s’posed to or whatever, I honestly think it’s great.  Only, now I’m starting to get that nervous feeling that I always do, that sort of manic tension.  It’s a little different; I’m not playing out scenarios in my head.  But still, it’s annoying.

            I just wanna be happy for them, and help out with the wedding type stuff.  I know it’s gonna be awesome once it actually happens, but now I’ve got that weird pit-of-my-stomach feeling.  The one that happens right before something changes, even when the change is good, because you don’t what you’re changing from, but not so much what you’re changing to.

            I’ve got that feeling for a lot of things though, the school year’s almost over and next year I’ll be going to a different school, and all sorts of stuff.  So I’ve got that feeling sort of amassed from all the different changes, and it’s become pretty much a constant.  It’s pretty weird.  Anyway, I’m looking forward to all this stuff finally happening so I can stop stressing.  But, I’ll also miss the way things are now.

            It’s one of those things where change is good, but you still miss the way things were, even though it was good to move on.  You know?

           

            -The Shadow Knight

Secrets Told

Nothing was left

Secrets laid bare

Empty words mumur

No reason to care

Hidden thoughts laid out

For all the world to see

Turn and swiftly run away

What will they think of me

Silent words

Now screamed aloud

Run and hide

And don’t be found

Now they know

Don’t let them see

Darkness cover

Please to hide

What’s become of me

            -The Shadow Knight

Love

            Love is when someone is hurting, and you want to take their place.  When you love someone, you want them to be happy.  Love is when something you say makes them smile, and that smile makes your day.  Love is when someone matters to you.  Love is when someone is sad, and you are too, even though you don’t even know what happened.  Love is when you say hello to the person no one likes.  Love is when someone sees that you are sad, and they crack a cheesy joke, just to make you smile.  Love is hugging your sister.  Love is listening instead of talking.  Love is telling the truth.  Love is being yourself, and trusting them to see you as you are.

    -The Shadow Knight

Ruins

Wandering aimlessly

Empty halls

All is silent

One tear falls

Dirt and cobwebs

Cover the floor

Alone and forgotten

Hope is no more

One lost soul

Still stands alone

In the ruins

Of his once home

Day after day

Year after year

His only words

In one silent tear

-The Shadow Knight

Shadowlight

The dark shines brighter than summer’s day.

Light bends in the shadows.

Eyes pierce deepest cloud,

But muddle through clear skies.

Murkiest ponds are seen with a glance.

Crystal streams remain unknown.

Thickest smoke-clouds studied and shown,

While fire-light forgotted to embers falls.

The dusty traveler wanders alone.

Mighty kings forget their homes.

       -The Shadow Knight

Nevermore

Ashes to ground.

Smoke to air.

Fire fades and dies.

Heat is no more.

Cold seeps in.

Darkness falls.

Shadows roar.

Empty and silent.

Smoke flies away.

Torn apart.

Torn away.

Burning nevermore.

Glowing embers fade to ash.

Ashes scattered in the dirt.

Flames not remembered.

Evidence gone.

Burning, burning nevermore.

Ashes to ground.

New life begins.

Born from ashes,

Of those who came before.

Changing.

Shifting.

Form to form.

Fires burning evermore.

-The Shadow Knight