A Change In Perspective

            Have you ever re-read a book that you read once or twice years ago?  If you have, then you know how peculiar it is because you have a completely different perspective.  Things that before caught you off guard—even though you completely forgot how the story went—become easily predictable.  The most inspiring phrase you ever heard becomes cliché.  The character you thought so brilliant now seems immature and shallow.

            You realize this, and then you wonder what else has changed.  You wonder if you would even recognize the old you, if you bumped into him on the street.  You wonder what that you would have thought about who you are now; if you would’ve been surprised, proud, skeptical, or maybe just plain revolted.

            You realize how little you remember your old self, and it catches you completely off guard.  Then you wonder if the bits you remember are like the book, if you would see them differently now.  It’s strange and disorienting, especially when you realize that the bits you remember best are the things you’re most ashamed of.  You start to wonder if that’s all there ever was.

            Then you realize that someday that’s how you shall remember who you are now.  It blows your mind.  It’s sad.  But, that’s also what assures you that there was more to you than you remember.  It stands to reason, being as you know you shan’t remember everything about who you are now.  It—like so much in life—is bittersweet.  You wish you could remember, and you’re glad you can’t.  It’s complicated.

            That’s why so many people keep diaries, journals, blogs.  There are other reasons of course, but this is one of the primary ones.  You don’t want to forget.  You know you are who you are because of what you have gone through.  You don’t want to forget how you got here.  You want to remember the small joys, the things that made you so happy.  You want to remember why you felt so sad.  You want to remember the journey, because how else can you ever know who you are?

            Sometimes, you look back so much that you forget to look forward.  You become trapped in old pains, in weaknesses you think you cannot overcome.  Then something happens, and you realize you have to let go.  You have to remember, but you also have to keep moving.  If you don’t, you’ll look back someday and wish you hadn’t let life pass you by.

            The same thing can happen for the opposite reason.  You can forget to look around, because you’re so focused on what lies ahead.  You’re excited, or you’re planning.  All you can think about is then, and you forget about now.  Or you can forget about the future, forget to plan and forget to dream.  Then you realize you don’t know what you’re doing.  You don’t know where you want to go, so can you ever find your way?

            The trouble is keeping all three in balance.  You know what you need to do, to live in the present, be guided by the past, and aim towards the future, but that—like so much else—is so much easier said than done.  I suppose, if it weren’t, life would be like that book.  You might gain a different perspective, but you would never be able to change its course.  I don’t know about you, but I'm glad it’s not like that.

            —The Shadow Knight